How to Choose Your Wedding Party

Deciding who to choose, and conversely who NOT to choose for your wedding party is a big deal for all the people involved and can be one of the most stressful wedding decisions you’ve had to make! Remember that it is a commitment and costly to be a part of a wedding, so don’t be hurt if someone you ask declines your invitation.  Below are five guidelines to consider when choosing your wedding party:

How to Choose Your Wedding Party

  1. Narrow down your wedding party from a larger list – Start with those people that are like a sister or brother to you, including your actual siblings.  This is not to say that you have to make your sister who lives across the country and is fifteen years older than you your maid of honor.  Consider your closest friends and family first when beginning your list.  Move on to extended family, cousins, in-laws, nieces, nephews and current close friends.  This second part of the list includes the friend you’ve just become close to within the last year or two and your 6 year old niece who would love to be the flower girl.  It also includes your in-laws.  Think about how being in your wedding might bridge the gap between you and your soon to be sister-in-law.

  2. Consider the size of your wedding – You can’t have a small wedding with a bridal party of 16.  I understand that you love all eight of your girlfriends the best, but if you want a small wedding you need to narrow down that list to your top 3.  If you are planning a big wedding and want to include all your friends in the bridal party, that’s great too, just stick to your vision of wedding size when inviting friends to be a part of it rather than just attending. Your friends don’t all have to be in the bridal party to be a part of the wedding festivities.  Traditionally the only exclusive bridal party event is the rehearsal dinner which also includes close family and out of town guests.  Otherwise any or all your friends should be invited to the actual wedding and/or reception, bachelor/bachelorette parties, bridal shower, DIY project days, or any other wedding related events that you are having.  This is only to say that you shouldn’t feel bad if you want only a few bridesmaids and groomsmen.

  3. Avoid drama between potential attendants – Seriously, you know the drama in your friends’ and your fiancé’s friends’ lives. Don’t invite drama into your wedding party.  If your best friend dated one of his friends and it ended badly, consider having only your best friend in the wedding party.  Although they should expect to see each other at the actual wedding, it might be best if they both didn’t have to attend the rehearsal or potentially walk the isle together.

  4. Let the kids be involved – Unless you are planning an adult-only wedding, you should let the kids be involved.  If necessary have more than one flower girl or ring bearer, include the young ladies in your family as Junior Bridesmaids. It will mean a lot to them to be a part of your special day.

  5. Always remember that it is your day – Ultimately your wedding should be about you and your fiancé; so choose friends and family that will be supportive, encouraging, helpful, and above-all do not cause drama and stress.  Your wedding party is intended to be a representation of your closest friends and family, those that know how to put you first and want to be a part of the celebration of your life, love, and the future of you and your fiancé as you begin your family.



These five guidelines are intended to help you when beginning to choose your wedding party and help provide advice when you get stuck or overwhelmed.  Best of luck and happy wedding planning!

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